"Mommmmm?!?!" I cry out as soon as I walk through the door, "I gotta ask you somethinggggg!" She rounds the corner with the dog, Cerberus, biting at her ankles, "What Pheathon? I'm busy trying to train this beast!" Off to a great start...
Two days later, after some convincing, I find myself on an airplane flying to Beverly Hills to see my dad for the first time in almost four years. Nervous is an understatement, but I am here on a mission, get the Gold Ferrari...shouldn't be too difficult. The limo driver pulls up to the ENORMOUS mansion (which even that feels like an understatement) as a golden god-like man walks out the front door. "Hey son! Ha! No pun intended," Pheobus or well dad calls. "Hey dad," I say while we walk inside the house and make small talk. The first day went by without a hitch and so I decided to bite the bullet and get to the purpose of this trip. To save you guys the boring ways a teen gets what they want, the conversation went a little something like this... I started out with a little guilt, "Hey dad, I've missed you these past four years...shame you haven't come to see me..." to which he made up some excuses. I followed suit with "Yeah, well, a son needs his dad in his life and bullies are hard to deal with..." check and mate. Dad replied with, "I have no need to hide my son, what you do want, I will give you anything you wish." It was honestly easier than I thought! I ask for the gold Ferrari and since he must keep his word, he is forced to give it to me. Not to say that he doesn't warn me and give me rules.
"This engine is so big, even I have trouble handling it! And don't go into the next town over! And be sure not to go too fast or too slow- keep with traffic! And watch for red lights!" Blah blah blah...
The next day the papers read:
"Pheobus' Sun Son Dies in Fiery Crash"
Tragedy struck yesterday afternoon as Pheathon Sun crashed his dad, Pheobus Sun' gold Ferrari on his way to Glendale, Arizona as his phone map showed.
Initial police reports show excessive spend played a factor.
Memorial times have yet to be released by the family.
On the bright side, the kids from my school finally figured out that I wasn't lying about my lineage...on the dark side I am writing this story from wherever you believe dead people go. I can't go and give away all the secrets of the world!
Bibliography: This story is based off of Tony Kline, "Pheathons' Ride.
Authors note: I wanted to bring this story into modern day and focus on the reason he wants to drive his dad's chariot or in this case, a gold Ferrari and not focus on his death although I did pull parts from all of "Ovid's Metamorphoses" story lines. I had a lot of fun coming up with this story line and how it would all fit together! I am glad in the end I did not continue the story to go into detail of his death as I wanted this story to be one that didn't make you never want to read one of my stories again!
Molly, this modern twist on an old mythological story was a great idea. Your use of color (golden Ferrari) mixed with the names of the characters adds great symbolism to your story. It was fun to read as well because I was imagining what the language was like in the reading compared to how you modernized the dialogue. You did a great job of capturing a teenager's personality to get what they want! Great story!
ReplyDeleteI will be the first to admit that your ending caught me off guard. Don't know why since I know the original story, but it did anyway. Good job on making an unexpected form of death? I love how you took these ancient characters and revamped them. You did a great job of capturing their essential personalty while twisting it enough to fit a different culture. I think you really captured the lesson of the tale: Be careful what you wish for!
ReplyDeleteMolly,
ReplyDeleteWow: I really loved the modern approach you had to this old myth story. I actually did not know anything about this story but after reading summary, you did an excellent job with your puns and storyline. Since I had not read this before, I was pretty shocked when Phaethon died in a wreck. I also really enjoyed reading the dialogue between Phaethon and his mom/dad. It really allowed for me to understand the characters personalities better.
I wonder: I wonder what happened for Phaethon’s parents to separate. I feel that including the reasoning may allow for the reader to understand the relationship between Phaethon and his father.
What if: What if the story actually ended up in a happy note and Phaethon was able to show everyone his Golden Ferrari. I enjoy happy endings but that is just my opinion. I know that isn’t what happened so I understand trying to stick to the original plot. Other than that, I wouldn’t change anything because it was such a great story!
Hey Molly!
ReplyDeleteWow: I really enjoyed your story! I am not completely familiar with the original story, but I have heard a summary of it and your author's note helps a lot. I really liked the modern day twist you put on the story. At first, I couldn't tell what story you were telling, but as I kept reading I understood. I like that you took the story and really made it your own my changing the whole time period the story takes place.
I wonder: I wonder what happened to Phaethon's parents and why he has such a dislike for his step dad. I also wonder why he hasn't seen his dad in so long.
What if: What if he Phaethon had had a better relationship with his father and not gotten the golden Ferrari, but an equally as nice car. I was also wondering if the story would have been different if Phaethon had had a better relationship with his step father.
Molly, this story was so good! Seriously, it was so clever and nicely executed. I love that even though it’s extremely fictional the relationship between the main character and his friends and estranged father were so realistic!
ReplyDeleteI wonder though, why his parents split in the first place and why he’s so estranged with his son. What if there was a whole back story about why they didn’t talk? Like the mother didn’t want his father to reach out to his son so she was blackmailing the dad. That would have been a neat twist, so maybe the dad isn’t as bad as everyone thought?
I also liked that you kept the ending the same, well, with him dying at least. It’s easy to add a twist to the ending of the story, but your twists were all throughout! I really liked that you chose the LA/Hollywood setting too. I went out to LA over the summer and I’m not saying everyone is materialistic, but wow was there great number of them. Great job!
Hey Molly, great story! I haven't read the original so I had no idea where this was going. You were very clever in the setup of this story because I wasn't expecting Phaethon to wreck the car and kill himself in order to prove himself to people who really didn't even matter. Through the whole story, I was interested to see what exactly he would do to prove to his friends who he was. I also enjoyed the modern twist you added by changing the chariot to a Ferrari.
ReplyDeleteThis story was really good! The fact that Phaethon's death was so sudden and yet he was so matter of fact about it made the ending really entertaining. I also really liked image of an old minivan driving around with all these super cars passing left and right.
ReplyDeleteIt's clear from all the descriptions and his house that Phoebus is a huge star, but what makes him such a huge and powerful star? Also, why did Phoebus and Phaethon's mom split up? I wonder if there could be some extra romance and drama there.
What if Phaethon's ride is really just a way for his mom to get back at Phoebus? What happens after his death? Could this be a way for the common people to take down the seemingly untouchable rich and powerful? And could Phaethon have a role from the afterlife? Overall it's a great story and does a great job retelling an old story and I'm excited for what could come next!
This was such a good story! It was short and concise and did not leave me with any questions at all. The story was funny and clever as well. I never thought I would laugh at the end of a story that ended in death. I thought it was pretty funny how you ended the story with the dialogue from "beyond." It was really good and I love how you made it your own!
ReplyDeleteClicking around for some extra comments, this one stuck out to me and I'm glad I went with it! This was very well written and the personality in your character truly shined. I love how you ended it with him being dead and writing/telling the story from some place else, though the illusion gave off that he was still alive. It seemed very lightly cynical and because of that, it was enjoyable. I haven't read the original, of course, but you did a great job with your adaptation! Keep up the work!
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